I can't believe I haven't blogged since last October!!! It is amazing to think of all the things that have happened between then and now. Of greatest note, we had our baby! Benjamin Miles was born March 21 weighing 9lbs 4oz and 21 inches long. He is now 2 months old and just the sweetest, happiest baby around. We are SO blessed. And thankful for everyone's prayers.
I'm going to try to do better... and I'm going to try to "catch up" on all that I missed posted since last October. SO in an attempt to do just that, let me post a little video from Thanksgiving. Elizabeth's class had a little Thanksgiving Feast at Preschool. Here was their little performance from my sweet little Pilgrim. Enjoy!
Well, we've reached a milestone in our house. This was the very first Halloween that Mama had no control over costumes. In years past, I've either chosen their costumes, or still had enough influence that I could "sway" them to what I thought would be cute. Not this year. Elizabeth decided early on that she wanted to Tigress from the movie Kung Fu Panda. At first, I was kinda bummed. No one liked my idea (which was to dress as characters from the Bearanstain Bears, and I'd make little honey pots for their candy). I guess my ideas aren't cool anymore. Sigh. Doesn't ol' mom know that Tigress is what's COOL?!
But then later I was thinking more about her idea, and it really was pretty cool. I mean, Tigress is, HANDS DOWN, a cooler idea than all those shi-shi princesses and ponies and fairies, that are so popular with girls this age. And honestly, Tigress is an awesome female character to look up to. Her Kung Fu is amazing! What a great female character to choose, right?! After some thought, I loved it. (above she's doing the famous "Shi-Fu" pinkie hold move).
Well, once Elizabeth was set on her idea, I then decided I'd try to "steer" Liam to an idea that would fit her costume. I found the most adorable little "Ring Master" costume idea online that I thought would be SO cute, and we could make it kinda a circus theme... Liam the Ring Master, Sissy the Tiger, we even have a clown wig Daddy could wear. But no... he didn't like that idea. I don't think he really knew what a Ring Master was, and after a showed him a pic, he was dead set against it. Sigh. After some thought, he decided that he, too, wanted to be Tigress. We explained that Tigress was a girl, to which he said, he wanted to be a Tiger then. I had to smile. This boy loves his big sissy and just wants to be like her so much. Anyway, we were at Kid-to-Kid one day and we spotted a Lion costume. He LOVED it! I figured Lions, and Tigers, and Bears would work. And Since he was excited about the costume, we decided to go with that. So I guess I still had 50% sway this year... next year, I'm sure I will be completely out of the decision making process! But that's what makes Halloween fun, right?! Getting to be whatever YOU want to be! Gotta remind myself of that come next year!
Trick-or-Treat was a ton of fun, as always. The kids scored tons of candy!
Here's our ghost family. This might be the last year of our ghost family. Liam has been petrified of ghosts ever since... he won't even let people repeat the phrase "Holy Ghost" he'll tell them, "Don't say that, say Holy Spirit!" lol! To top it off, they didn't survive Hurricane Sandy without looking a little worse for wear.
At any rate, here we are setting up for Halloween
Goobers!
They loved everything about Halloween... Liam had tons of questions and Elizabeth was old hat.
Sissy helping me decorate our front walk way (which is in desperate need of a good power spray! Ms. Claus promised to give Santa one this year for just such a project! If she can find one on sale that is)
The pink chalk is all Elizabeth's handiwork! :)
I've gotta say, didn't do a whole lot this Halloween. I guess I just haven't been up to doing a whole lot lately, and then on top of that most of our buddies we normally see and do things with were either out of town, or it never worked out to get together. But, Elizabeth did get to wear her costume one day to Dance.
We also carved pumpkins one night. I remember LOVING this when I was little. My kids, not so much. They do NOT like the feel of the gooey inside. Crazy to me, because that was my favorite part as a kid! That was back when Nickelodion was always "sliming" people, and I thought anything slimey was just awesome. They INSISTED on gloves! Again... crazy, right?!
Anyway, Mama did most of the work. But daddy helped too. Oh, and Bella decided to join us, as you can see :)
Here they are all a-glow. Not bad, eh?
Oh my little goobers! Love them!
Crazy to think what next Halloween will be like...!
Most of you know at this point that we are pregnant and expecting baby #3.
As I'm sure you guessed, we were SO excited when we discovered the good news, but decided we'd keep the pregnancy a surprise until we were out of the first trimester. This has always been our policy. While we've never experienced a miscarriage, we know they are EXTREMELY common, especially in the first trimester, and didn't want to announce to the world until we were out of that critical time.
Of course, even though we hadn't told... those first 12 weeks I was already busy planning *how* we would tell. After all, I love good surprises! And something this happy and exciting deserves a proper announcement. After some thought, we decided we'd take a trip to Disney World in my 2nd trimester (for a few different reasons) and take some creative pictures while there to announce our happy news. Happiest place on earth and all. We figured the timing of the trip would be perfect (my second trimester has always been pretty easy. Heck, I ran a 5K when I was preggo with Liam) and we figured it would be good to take the kids BEFORE baby #3 was in the picture so we wouldn't have to put it off, and so they could experience the "magic" of seeing their favorite characters before they get too old to lose some of that excitement. But figured we'd go again when they were older, with baby sibling of course, and figured the 2nd time they could do more things/rides and remember more too. We also thought it would be fun since our 10th anniversary is coming up, that a big trip was in order. Since we honeymooned in Hawaii, we thought we could take the kids to the Luau at the Polynesian as a fun way to celebrate. After researching, we realized the late fall was actually one of the best times to go to Disney (as far as weather/crowds/etc goes) so it was all falling into place perfectly!
Anyway, as far as announcements go, I made the kids shirts to wear for some of the pictures. One was blue with mickey ears that said "Big Brother" and the other was pink with minnie ears and a little pink bow that read "Big Sister." I had been typing up some ideas for some signs we would hold in our pictures with the characters, like "Hey Mickey!" "Guess what?!" "We're having a baby!" Or "We're having a Bibbity, Bobbity Baby" or "Hot Diggity Dog, We're having a baby" and my personal favorite, "Our Little Prince or Princess arriving April 4, 2013" with Cinderella's castle in the background (of course--lol). How cute and exciting would that have been? Our plan was to throw them in with our other pics from the trip and post them to Facebook to see who would catch on--lol.
As mentioned the first trimester went along without a hitch. I was having some mild cramping, which was different than my first two pregnancies. But my doctor reassured me that EVERY pregnancy is different, and that even though I didn't cramp with my first two, that it was pretty common place and not to worry. So I didn't. Not too much. And the further along we got, and as my second trimester and our Disney trip was drawing near, I was getting much more confident that all would be well.
Our 12 week ultrasound further reassured me. The baby was perfect. Measuring perfectly. Heartbeat and all measurements just perfect. He or she was kicking up a storm, moving his/her hand up to his face and it was just so precious. Perfect little profile! Even all 10 fingers and toes clearly defined! The ultrasound tech kept commenting how active s/he was, and made the comment that s/he was just a little "wiggle worm." I was head over heels in love. I explained that we had not found out the gender with our first two, but since this was our third, and probably last baby, we wanted to know the gender this time so the experience would be a little different. I asked if it was too early, and the tech said it was still early but sometimes you can tell. She did a quick look and said her guess would be a little boy. Having one of each, of course we were happy to hear either news!!! They gave us a CD of a few pictures and we were on our way.
That evening was a pretty typical evening. Nothing out of place. I did do some vacuuming and swiffering of the downstairs, which I don't do every night, but it certainly isn't out of the ordinary for me, what with a dog who sheds like 10 cats combined, and kids who leave a trail of crumbs everywhere they go. At any rate, we tucked the kiddos into bed like we always do. We still hadn't told them the big news. My plan was the morning of our Disney trip, we'd wake them up and let them open their big brother/sister shirts, explain what it meant, and then tell them we were so excited how would they like to go to Disney World... right now! And off we'd go. So as we tucked them to bed, we still had our little happy secret.
But all that was about to change.
Around 9:30pm that SAME day, I sat down to the computer with a bowl of cereal. As an aside, I think I'm turning into my Grandpa Pauler who needs a bowl of cereal every night before he goes to bed... this has been my ritual for the past few years as well. Anyway, I was sitting down with my cereal, checking my email and whatnot, and about a minute later I felt a pop and huge gush and I felt a pool of warmth where I was sitting.
In that instant everything changed.
In the microseconds it took for me to look down, my immediate thought was my water had broke, and I knew that was bad. Very bad. Even though it only took me a second to jump up and look down, in that second a million fears came rushing to my mind. I was just certain we were losing our baby. I was panicked. When I looked down though, I realized I was covered in blood, not amniotic fluid. Still, though, I knew that was very bad. Blood was bad. And there was a ton of it. It had completely saturated my shorts and the chair I was sitting on in virtually a second flat.
I don't remember much after that except screaming for Vassil to call the doctor to take me to the doctor that we HAVE to get to the doctor.
Poor Vassil. He'd been asleep for maybe 20 minutes, so when he came down, he didn't have a clue what was going on. He saw the blood on my leg/foot and thought I'd stepped on glass and cut my foot. It took a few minutes before he realized what was going on. Anyway, he grabbed some towels, and I quickly disrobed waist down, only to discover a huge clot in my underwear. Vassil helped me to the car. Then he ran and put the kids in their carseats. He was just as panicked as I was in that moment. Thankfully we live 7 miles south of UNC Hospital, and it took us probably 10 minutes to get there. We held hands and prayed the whole way there.
When we arrived I was shocked that I wasn't taken back right away. We waited and waited and we prayed and prayed. My poor children are probably scarred for life by this event. They were crying, I was trying to comfort them and be strong, but then a moment later I'd be crying too. In our panic, we also forgot to bring them shoes... so they were running around the HOSPITAL without shoes on. Ugh. Not our brightest parenting moment, but its so hard when something like this happens to think straight. Meanwhile, I had no pants, just towels (deja vu to Elizabeth's birth). Oh the looks people were giving us!
When I was finally admitted and given a room, we still had lots of waiting to do. It was close to 2 in the morning at this point. I told Vassil he needed to take the kids home and call a neighbor or a deacon from church to come stay with them. So, reluctantly, he headed home. Apparently on the carride home he gave the kids (who were VERY worried about mommy) some CRAZY story that I had stepped on some glass and cut my foot and the doctors were going to give mommy some medicine so she would fall asleep like sleeping beauty... (what?! lol! Men!) But apparently the idea calmed them down, and Elizabeth made Daddy promise to kiss me so I would wake up.
Meanwhile, I waited and waited. I was a wreck. I kept thinking about the baby I'd just seen that morning, and wondering if he/she was alive, or fighting to stay alive, or fighting to breath if the fluids had broken, etc. It was truly the most horrifying moment of my life. To know my baby was in danger and there was nothing I could do and NO one was doing anything to check me/baby. I felt so helpless. The nurses who came in periodically kept saying they were sorry. I didn't want to hear those words. Why were they sorry?! I hadn't even been checked! I felt like they must have known the inevitable. Maybe that's why no doctor was coming. Maybe they'd seen the writing on the wall. I wept.
About an hour after Vassil left I suddenly felt very strongly like my baby needed a name. That my baby could not leave this world without a name. I was thankful that the ultrasound tech told us her hunches for a boy that morning (we later learned she's the only one who will tell that early on, and I count that as a blessing!)... and as I sat there thinking over the list of boy names I love, another name, a name that never even entered my list, kept coming to mind. It was weird... why that name? After maybe 15 minutes, it was clear to me. That was his name. I will keep that name a surprise for now. It will either most definitely be a first or middle name. But suffice it to say, after naming our sweet baby, and as I waited for Vassil to get back, I spent the next hour or so talking to our baby, using his name. This was the first time I've ever been able to do this... in my previous pregnancies I couldn't call the baby by name because we wanted to keep the gender a surprise. I've got to say, being surprised was a wonderful and truly amazing moment both times. But it was also amazing to be fairly confident I had a little baby boy inside me, and to talk to him and call him by name. (Of course, at our 18 week appt they will confirm if they were right. So, if it turns out a girl, we'll have to get creative with the name change). But for now he has a name, and that means so much to me. I can't really explain it.
Finally, the doctor and attending arrived and did a check. My cervix was closed and the bleeding had stopped, all good signs. The labs from my blood work came back, also good. They then wheeled in the ultrasound machine. I couldn't watch. I couldn't. They put the instrument on my belly and started moving it around. I closed my eyes and prayed. Before I could open my eyes, I heard the doctor say, "We'll there's your baby, alive and with a strong heartbeat." I looked at the machine. And he was right. The baby was alive! I started bawling. He explained that from all they could tell, I had had a "Threatened Abortion/Miscarriage" and that I would need to go home and rest and see my doctor the next day.
Vassil came back not long after that and I was soon discharged. He helped me back to bed and was such a sweetie through it all. I told him I needed to get on the computer because there was no way I could sleep. So he passed me the laptop and went to sleep in our guest room, but told me not to be on too long.
I quickly googled threatened miscarriage. I shouldn't have done that. The odds of a threatened miscarriage are about 50/50. And there's lots of scary stories out there that I probably shouldn't have read. As I drifted off to sleep that night I was half hopeful, and half petrified of what would come.
The next day we went to my OB. The doctor we saw that day is a very animated guy... we've always joked about him at previous appts. But he was WONDERFUL in explaining everything to us and reassuring us and I am so thankful to him and his compassion. Anyway, he did another ultrasound and check. Everything was the same. Cervix closed, baby fine. He explained there was no way to tell what would happen at this point. It could be the beginning of a miscarriage, or we could go on to deliver a healthy baby. Basically that 50/50 stat I'd read online the night before, although he didn't put it in those terms. He said the fact that the baby was fine and my cervix was closed were great signs. But, he said he was pretty sure he was seeing blood clots on my ultrasound, and wanted to send me back to the hospital for the big, fancy ultrasound to see what they could find. And ordered "pelvic rest" until they could figure out what was going on.
One agonizing week later, we did the hospital ultrasound. It was so weird walking in there a week later. The receptionists even recognized me. It was surreal to have been there one week ago so happy and hopeful, and a week later so full of fear. What they found were 3 clots. A small one by the placenta. A large one by the baby. And a small one in my cervix. Clots are never good. The biggest fear is that they can move and basically slice the placenta off the uterine wall as they move. Not good. But, there is also a good chance they will reabsorb in my body, or slowly bleed out.
Anyway, that was all the information we had after the 2nd big ultrasound. So we went home and prayed more and consulted Dr. Google for what information we could find.
A week later, I had a follow up appt at my OB. Vassil, having missed a ton of work during all of this, decided it would be okay if I went on my own. The kids were in preschool, so I drove myself over for my check. The Dr. I saw this time was the Chief of OB/GYN at UNC, and a more stern/serious guy. Amazingly, though, extremely kind and reassuring at the same time. He talked to me a little before our exam, and then pulled out the heart doplar thingy. This was the first time in my pregnancy that they'd pulled out the doplar thingy... they'd used the internal ultrasound for my first appt, and the regular ultrasounds in my appts following. Anyway, with Elizabeth and Liam we NEVER had a hard time finding their little heartbeats. But for some reason, he could not find it. Panic all over again. And Vassil wasn't there to hold my hand. I was freaking out. The Dr. went to look for an ultrasound machine. This probably took a minute, but once again it felt like time stood still. My mind going in a million different directions, trying hard not to cry. He wheeled in the machine, and once again, I couldn't look. But once again, he reassured me that the baby was doing well, and great heartbeat. Once again I went from complete and utter fear, to complete joy.
The Dr. then went on to talk about what was going on. This time he used the "technical" term... "Subchorionic Hematoma." He explained that for whatever reason I had a bleed. It is impossible to know why. It could have been the placenta separating slightly, that it could have been the placenta attached to a blood vessel in my uterus and as it was growing and stretching the blood vessel popped, or it could have just been one of those unexplained things that happens. He explained that it was NOTHING I did. And he went on to explain that really there is nothing *I* can do to change my chances... that there is nothing I can do to cause a miscarriage, or to prevent one. That this is out of my hands, and out of theirs as well. He even went on to say I could probably stand in a paint stirring machine for an hour and wouldn't cause any problems. BUT, to use my intuition about what activities I want/can do, because if I push the limits and something happens, even though it wouldn't be my fault, that I would blame myself for the rest of my life... and that's what he doesn't want happening. He wanted me to continue on pelvic rest for that reason. After helping to wipe away some tears, he gave me his card and wrote down his email address. He told me there was NO way I could wait 3 weeks to see my baby, and that I could come in as often as I would like...every day, every week if I wanted to and could afford it. He also said to email him anytime I had questions or if I just wanted to come in unscheduled to check the baby, that he'd make it happen. He also told me this wasn't going to be a fun pregnancy, but that he did not "think" I'd miscarry. He did explain though that I now have an increase risk for preterm labor/rupture of membranes, placenta eruption, and still birth. And of course, the risk of spontaneous miscarriage/abortion remains as well.
So, that's where we are today.
I take great solace in knowing this is totally and completely in God's hands. I pray every day a million times a day that it will be His will that this child will make it full term and be born healthy, as a testament to His power. I have also joked to our baby that once he gets here healthy, that he's in BIG trouble for putting us through this--lol!
Of course, we are afraid too. We are trying to give our fear over to God. But it is hard. We know so many times that God's plan isn't always our plan. And that can be devastating. But his ways are perfect and one day we'll understand perfectly like Him. I think too many times in life when bad things happen, people start to question their faith and wonder how there could be a God if he allows these things to happen. Or why would God allow these bad things to happen. Or even, why me? But that has never even once entered my frame of mind. We live in a sin cursed world full of death and disease because *we* chose to disobey. We did it to ourselves. Not God. God didn't want that. He placed us in perfect paradise, but he gave us freewill, and *we* rebelled, and the penalty was death. But thankfully God had a plan from the beginning... and he came to die for us so one day we can come back into his presence, back to paradise. So even when this is so hard to understand, and I'm scared, I know God is in control, and his plans are far better than my own. And one day all will be made right to them that love the Lord!
This experience also made me think those who've lost children, and how devastating that must be. I wept for weeks over a child I had never held in my arms. I cannot fathom the loss of a child. The week this was happening, the Pauler family was celebrating on Facebook the life/birthday of my cousin Ruby, who passed away from a swimming accident at age 11. I kept thinking how unfathomable the pain of losing a child must be during all of this. That's not to minimize the pain of losing an unborn child. We have a friend who has suffered 11 miscarriages. I cannot fathom that pain, either. Even one loss. To lose a child you've never held... breaks my heart.
I turned to a blog I follow form time to time (a friend of a friend) during my week in bed, who lost her daughter at 11 months to stage 4 neuroblastoma. She has since had two little boys, and I just admire her so much for her strong faith and how you can tangibly see that faith working in her life, a living testimony to the peace that passeth understanding that comes only from those who know the Lord. On her blog she posted a video of a Christian band I hadn't heard of. I listened to the song and liked it, but it was when I clicked on their next video that the tears just came. I must have listened to that song a million times that week I was on bedrest, afraid to move, afraid to get out of bed, afraid to sneeze or cough... the week I just sat frozen and a weepy mess. It spoke to me because I know no matter what we go through in this life, and I know I haven't really been through many hard times at all, that no matter what hand life deals to us, no matter the trials or the storms, that God will NEVER leave us nor forsake us. It was exactly what I needed in that moment... amazing how the Spirit works like that. My comforter.
I have also turned to friends during this time. The night we were in the hospital and Vassil left to take the kids home, his first thought was to call James and Dianne Bouldin from church. The Bouldins are the most unbelievable people. When you talk to them, even for a minute or two, you just sense the fruit of the spirit. They are unbeliveably loving and kind and sweet. Dianne has been in the nursery with Liam since he was TINY and then helped me teach the 2-3s class last year. She loves Liam like he is one of her own, she truly does. And he loves her too! So for some reason, when Vassil got home, he called them first. In the middle of the night. And asked them to pray.
Next, Vassil sent out a mass email to the ENTIRE church asking for prayer. At first I was so embarrassed because honestly, people don't talk about miscarriage. I don't know why. But its one of those things women suffer through all the time, but they don't talk about it. My first instinct was to be mad. But then I realized our baby is *still* alive and *needs* prayer. So I got over that quickly. The next day we got a few panicked phone calls from church family. Even though Vassil's email didn't say I was pregnant or having a miscarriage, just that I was in the ER and he needed help with the kids, EVERYONE who called the first thing they asked was, "How's the baby???" This is the part that makes me smile. Even though we were trying hard to be sneaky and had all these big plans for how we were going to "announce" our pregnancy, I was already showing so much that it was VERY hard to hide (even though I thought I was wearing baggy cloths to "hide" my noticeable bump and thought I was doing a good job fooling everyone), everyone already knew! lol! I had to laugh! We thought we were being so sneaky, but everyone knew! You know its hard for women not to talk and speculate. And apparently even people who didn't know me as well were asking friends if I was pregnant. My friend Jenny summed it up best, "Poor thing! This being your third pregnancy, you popped out EARLY!" lol! Had to smile.
I also had to smile at the outpouring of love and support we've been shown by friends and church family. People bringing meals. Or emailing to let us know they are praying. Our neighbors coming over in the middle of the night to watch the kids while we were in the ER> And my dear friend Amy helping watch our kids... almost ALL day one day! They are lifesavers and it means so much when we don't have family here to help us. We've even had people offer to CLEAN our house. Of course, I'd be mortified. So we are living with chaos and piles of unfolded laundry and dirty dishes. Sigh. I do as much as I can each day, but I really want to rest as much as I can until these clots are gone. So dirty dishes it is. Not the end of the world, right?!
I've also taken a lot of comfort in reading some of the online forums for women going through this. Can you believe there are ENTIRE web forums for women who have SCH! It is wonderful to hear their stories and to feel like someone else understands. On one forum a mom wrote:
This condition is so unbelievably unfair. You can't mourn, you can't relax, you're in this limbo all the time. You're always waiting for something. Symptoms aren't reliable at all. In normal pregnancies bleeding and cramping are signs of miscarriage. For us it means nothing at all unless the ultrasound tells us it means something.
I can TOTALLY identity with this. Half the time I'm not sure if I should be preparing myself for the worst, or trying to hope for the best. Every pain, every twitch, every tired muscle sends ripples of fear up and down my body and sends me to my bed to rest. I am still spotting. Brown clots mostly. But its unnerving. Every time I go the restroom I hope I'll find nothing there, but I always do. Its a helpless feeling of not knowing what will happen, and as mentioned, being a type-A planner type... its hard for me to give up that control and give it to God. Even though I know that's where it belongs.
I've also been reassured by so many friends who've bled during their pregnancies. An OBGYN nurse at church who shared with me that her sister just had the exact thing happen, and she's 30+ weeks along and baby doing fine! She also said something that made sense and put me at ease: "Bleeding during pregnancy isn't normal. But its also not uncommon." It helps to know so many have gone through this and have had positive outcomes. My friend Amy also said her mom had the same thing happen 2x when she was pregnant with her sister, and her sister is fine. It is reassuring to hear these stories.
I also have to laugh at myself a little bit. With Elizabeth I came down with PUPPS in my last few weeks of pregnancy, and the PUPPS remained a few weeks after she was born. Honestly, the pain and burning of the PUPPS was far worse than the c-section pain. I remember researching it online, and reading how it occurs in less than 1% of pregnancies. When the OB doctor was telling me about SCH and how it occurs in less than 1% of pregnancies, I had to laugh... "Not again!" Explaining how I had PUPPS with my first and asking "why do I always get these weird, 1% things?!" Of course, in retrospect, I realize I was pretty selfish. I would gladly take the PUPPS to this. The PUPPS, while miserable, were of NO concern to the baby. How selfish I was to whine and complain about the PUPPS! I will say, too, with these kind of odds, I keep thinking I need to start playing the lottery! ;)
I should also add, a few days after all this started, I sat the kids down and explained to them the "real" story of what happened that night. I explained that daddy thought I had cut my foot, but I said that my foot was fine, and showed them. I explained that mommy had a baby in her tummy, but that I had an ouchie inside my womb that was bleeding. And how we have to pray that the baby will be okay. Elizabeth's first response when I told them I had a baby in my tummy was, "Now? Right now? You have a baby in your tummy... now?" She was so excited. Her next question was "Is it a boy or girl." Poor thing was a little disappointed when I told her it might be a boy, but seemed to be okay when I reminded her that God chooses who he will send to our family and God knows best. Liam... poor Liam. He understands less. He knows there is a baby, but he keeps reminding me of the day I went to the hospital and he'll say, "Mommy, remember when you stepped on the glass and had to go to the hospital?" I wish Vassil wouldn't have made that up. I always tell him that there wasn't any glass and my foot is fine, I just have an ouchie in my womb. "Oh yeah!" he'll say and run off to play. He will also point to a spot on the floor where he saw blood. There isn't any blood there now, but a LOT on the carpet in our office that hasn't come out. So it's a visual reminder the kids will often talk about. Thankfully I've been begging Vassil for new carpet (ours is original... probably 15 years old!) so it is time for new!
I also had to smile when one of the preschool teachers/friends from church told me she had asked Elizabeth how mommy was doing and her response was a HUGE sigh followed by "Well, she has to rest EVERY day." I know they don't understand why I'm in bed a lot or what all is going on. I hope she remembers very little of this... this is not how I want her thinking being pregnant is like. They are excited though.
So where does that put us now?
Well, I'm trying to focus on getting through each day. After the night in the ER, I prayed we'd make it to the OB visit the next day. At the OB visit I focused on getting to the hospital ultrasound a week later. Then focused on the OB appt a week after that. Now I'm focused on getting to Oct 22 when we'll have another OB appt to check baby. Or how in 3 weeks we'll have another big ultrasound at the hospital to check anatomy and determine gender. Or how in 5 weeks I'll be half way through the pregnancy. And in 9 weeks I'll be "viable." Just trying to focus on little by little getting through.
I ask you to continue to pray for baby. Specifically that the Lord would place his hedge of protection around him/her, and that he would help to heal my body and the clots, that the baby would make it full term with no health issues from this.
If anything happens, I will try my best to update you all. Or have Vassil update you. I think for the first 2 weeks I couldn't find the words to express what was going on, at least not without bursting into tears. Obviously, at this point I'm feeling better about writing these things down, but still feeling uncomfortable talking and definitely do not feel like posting on Facebook for the reason that many, many people on Facebook are not my close intimate friends/family and I just don't need "the world" knowing about this right now. Family, church family, friends... yes. The entire facebook world, no. I feel like I might get brave enough to post something on there once we get to a viable point, but until then just don't feel comfortable.
Anyway, that's all for now. Thank you for your cards, your letters, your emails, or any other ways you've helped. Means more than you will know and we can express here.
And please just keep on praying!
"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:15-16
Elizabeth has grown so fast. It's crazy to think of her as a big girl now. Although, since she did miss the kindergarten cut off by a few days, I still like to think I have ONE more year of my "preschooler." So even though she's five, I still have one more year before she's "officially" a big girl in my book. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
Anyway, Elizabeth LOVES all things My Little Pony. And wanted to have a My Little Pony party this year. I I knew we didn't want to have another party at the house, and thankfully just around the corner from us is a farm that does birthday parties (along with camps and lessons) relatively inexpensively, and part of the package is they get to do an art project and ride a pony. Perfect! Not only does this girl love My Little Ponies, but lately she's REALLY been getting into art. It was the perfect combo. Anyway, here are some pics from the big day.
Since it was a hybrid (part pony party, part art themed), I decided to do a rainbow theme... for those of you know know, one of the My Little Ponies is named "Rainbow Dash" and of course rainbows work well with the art theme.
I decided instead of a fancy cake with lots of frosting details, we'd make a "rainbow" cake we'd seen on Pinterest, where each layer is a different color of the rainbow. If you scroll below you'll see what it looks like on the inside. Let me tell you, this was one of the easiest cakes to make... but that sucker was tall (all the layers) and I probably should have trimmed each layer, but my instructions didn't say to do that... so I ended up with a VERY tall cake. I kept thinking it would for sure flop over. But thankfully it somehow made it through the party.
If you're wondering, Elizabeth helped me bake "some" of the cake... it took 5 layers, so she got a little bored after maybe the first two. But definitely helped lick the spoon, and was my official sprinkles sprinkler.
Birthday Girl... sorry it was sunny!
The kids helped me set up some decorations. When we found these crayon piggy banks at the thrift store one day for 50 cents, I couldn't resist.
And of course, Elizabeth also helped me round up all of her favorite My Little Ponies to add to the table scape.
Once all our buddies arrived, it was time for some art. It was cute, Ms. Green (who's in charge of the birthday parties) got everyone situated then said, "Today we're celebrating Elizabeth's birthday. Elizabeth how old are you today?" Elizabeth held up 5 fingers and said, "Uno, dos, tres, cuatro... cinco" lol!
5 years old!
Of course, mom needed one smiling pic... "Say Cheese!" lol! Love her expression.
And a closer shot... it cracks me up! She was so excited!
The kids all worked really hard on their craft. Next to Elizabeth is her best buddy Cooper. These two are inseparable. On the first day of Open House at preschool he walked right into the class and pointed at Elizabeth and said, "I'm going to marry her one day!" Oh, and let me tell you... the feeling is QUITE mutual! lol! Oye!
In fact that day in the car ride home, Elizabeth was saying how Cooper said he wanted to marry her, and I told her that was fine as long as she was all grown up. Her response: "Well I hope I grow up fast then." Seriously people... she's five! Oye! Oye! Oye!
It doesn't stop there, when the Pediatrician asked how she liked preschool and if she had any good friends, she said, "Well, Andrew and Cooper are my best friends (first I'd heard her mention Andrew), but I'm not quite sure who I'm going to marry yet..." I could see the doctor holding back a smile as she continued, "But I'll probably pick the silliest one... probably Cooper." lol! The doctor just smiled and said, "Well, that's a pretty big decision, and it sounds like you have it all figured out... and being silly is PRETTY important" (this coming from the absolutely most silliest doctor we have). It was so funny! But I was glad he took her so seriously. What was also funny that day (totally random) was when it was time to decide if we should do her boosters now or wait until closer to Kindergarten, Elizabeth piped up, "Well, I don't think I need shots today. I missed the kindergarden cut off" lol! Using it to her advantage I tell ya!
Anyway, back to the birthday... the kids had about 40 minutes to work on their craft.
They worked hard! Elizabeth didn't get quite done in time... she was really taking her time on it. But she has since finished it up.
Meanwhile, I had the younger siblings outside doing a "spin art" activity. Honestly, just as fun as the My Little Pony craft, but because of the space of the room, and because there is a limit on the number of birthday party guests, we just split up the older kids (Elizabeth's age) in one group, and their siblings in another. It seemed to work fine. I didn't think the younger ones would really even sit long enough to do the big craft anyway.
They did seem to like the spin art though. Do you remember doing those as a kid?
Here were some of the finished products:
After art it was time for ponies. But before they got to ride them, they got a little lesson on how to groom the horses and they all got to brush the horses if they wanted.
We brought our bike helmets because they said we *could* bring them, but they weren't required. Liam realized we had the helmets ready, and decided he needed his--lol. Even though he was really too little to ride the pony, he wanted his on! Only child with a helmet, but that's okay! lol!
Birthday girl was the first to ride. She was a little nervous at first, but conquered her fear. They led the pony all around the area where we had the birthday party set up. So it was definitely the longest pony ride she'd ever experienced.
Daddy and birthday girl!
My little pony... :)
Here are almost all the birthday friends waiting their turn to ride.
Lucy Boone... such a natural especially with her cowgirl boots!
There goes Cooper...
Little Anna did it too! And in fact, they let most of the little siblings go too without charging us extra, and we could have let Liam... but he was busy playing in the sandbox and on the play equipment, and he tends to be a little clumsy and doesn't have the best balance, so fearing he might fall off, and considering he was busy having fun with other things, we just decided we'd save pony rides for him for another year... thankfully he didn't seem to even notice!
There's Cowgirl Caroline!
Some of the horses in the barn...
While the kids were waiting their turn to ride (there were only 2 horses so we took turns) they seemed to have a blast running all around the open spaces, and playing on the swingset/play equipment. So it worked out perfectly.
There go the girls!
Liam off to check out the horses
Buddy Lauren riding the tire-horse swing.
After horses, it was time for cake!
Despite what it looks like, I PROMISE there were 5 candles on the cake... just the way I took the picture, one is in front of another so it looks like she's turning 4. Oh well. I'm probably the only one who noticed, right?
Happy Birthday to You!
Here was the inside of the cake... 5 layers and all!
Elizabeth with her sweets (cake and Cooper)... ;)
We ended up cutting the pieces in half because the cake was SO tall. But you get the picture.
I also made Rice Crispy "paint brushes" using colored almond bark.
Cake time!
I was afraid we needed more food, but didn't want to hassle with fruit or a salad... so ended up making a "Unicorn Horn" Chex Mix out of buggles and some other yummy treats.
I sat the bowl down for a minute so I could take Liam to the bathroom... when I came back, everyone was digging for chocolate chips--lol.
Birthday waters...I love all the little details :) Weird, I know.
And apparently *someone* is picking up on that too (whether good or bad). One day Elizabeth found a package of "rainbow" colored pipe cleaners in our craft closet (btw ignore the messy craft closet) and decided they would be "PERFECT" for the party.
She literally sat in that spot for close to an hour making... these. I'm not too sure what they are. But we made sure we set them out on the table at the party! LOVE them!
And here were the favors we made. If you know me, I'm not a huge fan of "goodie bags" because its just a waste of money and most of it gets broken or used up before you get to the car. So something edible or usable is more my preference.
Of course, as is becoming habit with me... I forgot to pass them out! Grrr!
Anyway, it was a fun birthday and we were so happy to have so many friends there to celebrate with us. Since this was the first time we bought a birthday party "package" where it was limited to 10 birthday friends (not counting siblings) it was the first year we couldn't invite EVERYONE. This is always hard. And is why I didn't post pics on Facebook this year :( But in the end it was so worth not having the stress at our house, and honestly the kids really did seem to have a blast playing on the play equipment, running around the open areas, doing their art, and riding the ponies. It was a beautiful day to boot.
OH, and since we had her party AFTER her "actual" birthday... I'll post some pics of her actual bday! Let's just say, she was spoiled by lots of grandmas and grandpas, and instead of it being a birthDAY, it felt like a birthWEEK because the celebrations kept on coming. Who can argue with that though?
Elizabeth, I love you my sweet girl. I can't believe you are FIVE! I hope you always know how much I love you and how PROUD I am of you. I love watching you grow, and reach new milestones. I love your love of learning and the things you know and remember. I love all the funny things you say. And do. I love how much you love your baby brother and I love watching your bond grow. I also love that you are growing in the Lord and that you love him too. I love hearing you talk about God and ask questions. I love how many verses from the Bible you are learning at church an in Awana and I pray you truly hide those words in your heart. As you grow you will find that in this life there will be many troubles... but Christ has overcome the world! And I'm happy that you are learning that and growing in that knowledge. I love, too, how happy you are and what a light you are to all those you are with. I pray you just keep letting that light shine! I love you my sweet girl! Now... can you PLEASE stop growing so fast?! Pretty please?! Sigh.
This blog began nearly four years ago as a way to document the start of a whole new journey in my life: motherhood. Along the way, this blog proved to be a great resource for keeping family back home updated on all of our developments and happenings, and to keep the long-distant grandmas happy with lots of pictures! Little did I know that 3 years, 2 kids, and 2 "cribs" later, I would still be blogging! But I am. And I love every little bit about my blog! I'm not really sure who follows us these days. But I've decided to keep it up (as best I can) for the sake of preserving our memories. Okay, so technically both kids are out of "cribs" now--But however you look at it... these are "Our Tales from the Crib!" I hope you enjoy!
Oh give me patience, lord, when tiny hands tug at me with small demands. And give me gentle and smiling eyes; keep my lips from sharp replies. And let not fatigue, confusion, or noise, obscure my vision of life's fleeting joys. So when, years later, my house is still, no bitter memories its rooms may fill.
